


Flying high

by ElisaBel147



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, College, F/M, Phillips perspective, The Reynolds Pamphlet, some sexual content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:34:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23581669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElisaBel147/pseuds/ElisaBel147
Summary: When Alexander Hamilton publishes his own affair in the papers his sons life turns upside down. Suddenly his picture perfect family is broken and he is lost. The return of his high school best friend gives his life another spin and his perfectly cut out life turns into a spinning maze of confusion, but maybe it's not all bad, and maybe we can all learn to forgive. Even if we don't always want to.
Relationships: Theodosia Burr Alston & Philip Hamilton, Theodosia Burr Alston/Philip Hamilton
Kudos: 18





	1. Restart

**Author's Note:**

> Since I am extremly bored at home I have decided to take up writing again. I have really missed it and I didn't originally plan to post this, but I realized that it might keep me motivated to keep writing. I hope you like it and if there are any errors I apologize. English is my second language. (It actually took me five minutes to figure out how to spell language)

Phillip had been avoiding his sisters calls for days now. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to her. He just couldn’t. If he did he knew he would fold. He would hear his sisters sweet voice on the verge of breaking, begging him to come home and he would go. He would let go of everything just to stop her voice from sounding so broken.

He had almost done it a week ago when his mom called him late one night to tell him his father was moving out. She had sounded so tired and done that he hadn’t even asked why. His father was always in trouble over one thing or another and it wasn’t the first time he’d had to spend the night in his office. When Phillip was younger it had bothered him. It didn’t anymore. He hadn’t even reflected on what his mom had really said until the morning after.. He was walking to class when his phone beeped with a news alert. Philip had made sure to get notified about anything involving his dad, but nothing could have prepared him for this.

Overnight his loving, although slightly workaholic dad turned into Americas most hated politician. No more reelection, no more sponsors, no more happy picture perfect family, and no more lies. His father had told his mother and then he told the world.

Phillip hadn’t gone home that day, and he didn’t go home the next night either.

After a few days, Phillip stopped answering the phone when his mom or sister called. He shut his brain off and stopped listening to the people around him talking, whispering behind his back. Whenever someone asked he just shrugged and if the pressed further he just told them to fuck off. He went to a party or two and got way drunker than he was supposed to.

He fell asleep in class and forgot to turn in his assignments. His mom called again, and then again, and again. He turned his phone off. It remained off, until today, when he finally turned it back on again. 21 missed calls and over 50 unanswered texts. Most of them from his family. A few from a couple of friends who wanted to check in on him. 8 of them from his father. He sighed and threw the phone on the bed beside him. Just turning it back on had been a feat, there was no fucking way he was going to answer any of it.

His father had cheated on his mom and he had told the world about it, without any thought about how it might affect the people around him. Phillips head was a mess and it didn’t help that he had a raging headache. If it was from the stress or the night before he didn’t know and he didn’t really care. He just wanted it all to stop. But he couldn’t make it stop. What he could do though was eat. He was starving and he was pretty damn sure that the not eating wasn’t helping his headache, and so he forced himself out of bed and into a pair of clean pants. His shirt would have to work.

Phillip had always hated having a famous dad. It had been horrible as a child. Always having someone follow you around to make sure no one would get too close to you, and always having to be well behaved and correct in case someone was watching. There was never time for freedom or childishness when the whole country was watching your family like hawks, hoping that one of you would screw up and get your dad thrown out of congress. Becoming a teenager had hardly made it better. While every other kid got to be young and stupid Phillip was stuck being the good kid. He couldn’t experiment or test the limits because who knew how that would reflect on his dad. What if someone got a picture, what if it made it into the papers, what if he got arrested? Then what would they say?

Phillip moved away the first chance he got. Far, far away. He hoped no one would recognize him without his dad standing right next to him. They still did. He and his dad had always looked alike and it was hard to hide the connection, but he did his best, and he got away with a lot. A hoodie and a baseball cap could hide a lot if you tried hard enough.

To most people in the coffee shop he probably just looked hungover, which wasn’t technically wrong. He had added a pair of sunglasses to his usual hiding ensemble and hoped that the slight rain outside would make keeping the hood on more acceptable. Despite the whole country talking about his dad, no one seemed to recognize him.

“Hamilton?” a soft voice called through the crowd.

The sound of his name made most of the people in the small space turn around in their seats to look towards him. His name, or rather his father’s name, had become somewhat of the new he who shall not be named the past week and he sighed as he turned towards the source of the call. Ready to curse at whoever had called his name, he stepped out of the line.

The anger fell away the second he laid his eyes on her.

“Theo?” He asked, as his eyes landed on the young woman in front of him. 

He hadn’t seen Theodosia in over a year. The last time he saw her was the night of their graduation as she walked away from him to take a call. She hadn’t come back. 

She smiled at him. “Phillip.”

“What are you doing here? I thought you moved to California”

She shrugged and took a few steps back, away from the crowd. Happy to get away from the people and their stares Phillip followed. “I did. I, uh, didn’t really like it,” she mumbled as she walked him back to a small table at the back of the café. “Sit with me?” she asked. Gesturing to the stool in front of her.

“So, you’re back?” he asked, sitting down.

He had missed her a lot after she left. Even though they hadn’t really known each other through most of high school she had managed to become his best friend their last year. Senior year they met at one of the few parties Phillip had gotten to attend and they bonded over having fathers who worked in politics and the annoyingly well planned life that came with it. For the rest of the year they had been inseparable. Then she just up and left, without even saying goodbye. Philip tried to call her a few times, but after months of getting no answer he gave up.

Theo shrugged and picked up her mug, putting it to her lips before speaking. “Uh, yeah,” she nodded and took a sip.

“For how long?”

She smiled as she put the mug down. “Forever hopefully”

Phillip nodded and turned to the window behind her. It had started raining for real outside now and people were hurrying down the street with bags and coats over their heads to try and get away from the rain. “That’s nice.”

“I heard about your dad.”

Phillip whipped his head back to Theo and met her eye. “Oh.” 

She nodded slightly and turned the mug around in her hands, fidgeting a bit with the handle. “How are you doing?” she asked, looking back up at him.

He shrugged turning away from her again. He hadn’t really thought about it before. He had been so focused on his mom and sister. No one had really asked him how he felt so he hadn’t really reflected over it. “Fine, I guess,” he mumbled after a beat, shrugging ever so slightly. “I mean it sucks, but I’m fine”

“Really?” she asked, eyebrows raised, “Is that why you look like absolute shit?”

“Hey! I’m allowed to look like shit,” he snapped.

Putting down her mug, she raised her hands in the air in front of her. “I didn’t say you weren’t. I’m just saying, you look worse than usually.”

Phillip sighed. “I’m a bit hungover”

“A bit?” she chuckled.

He smiled. It was easy talking to her. Even after a year it still felt like them. Even though everything felt kind of shitty at the moment, she still felt like always.

“So where are you studying?” she asked, her voice bringing him back out of his head. 

“Columbia.”

His father had always talked about Columbia and how great it was. Phillip hadn’t really thought about going there, but then he realized that it would take him far away from his father and his family and suddenly it seemed like a great option. It also helped having a famous dad being an alumnus there. Getting in had been easy.

“What about you?” he asked.

Theo smiled, fingers tapping on her empty mug. “I just transferred there from Stanford”

Of course she did. Their fathers had both studied there. It was actually a pretty big deal when Theo had decided to go to Stanford instead. From what she said her father had always wanted her to follow in his footsteps.

He nodded, understanding why she transferred there of all places, but still had to ask. “How come you changed? You were pretty excited about Stanford,”

She shrugged and leaned back in her seat looking at the table in front of her. Then she smiled. “Will you judge me if I say it was too hot?”

He laughed.

When Phillip got back home that night he felt better than he had all week. It was nice seeing Theo again, it made him realize how much he missed having friends who knew him from before. He loved his friends, but sometimes it got tiring having to explain his childhood to them, and most of them didn’t understand anyways. They thought it seemed more cool than tedious. Theo knew, she had lived it.

They ended up eating dinner at the café and he promised to text her when he got home. She hadn’t changed her number. He was too glad to see her to ask why she hadn’t picked up the phone if the number was the same.

He had just put his phone down on his nightstand when it started ringing. He knew it wasn’t Theo. She wouldn’t call this soon. Still, even if it wasn’t her. He took a deep breath, letting the air in and out, hoping that it would make it easier.

For the first time in a week he didn’t let it ring. Instead, he picked up the phone.

“Angie?”


	2. Disappointment

The next week went by in a blur. Phillip went to class, he turned in his assignment, had dinner with Theo in his apartment, listened to her talk about her year in California, realized she lived in a hotel at the moment, helped her with apartment hunting, offered her his guest room until she found something better, tried to explain why he didn’t have a roommate, moved her into his place, went to the world’s worst dinner, got home.

“What´s wrong?” She asked. Phillip had just stepped through the door and made his way into the living room. Theo was sitting on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket with a bowl of popcorn in her hands.

He groaned. “Everything.”

She smiled softly and patted the seat next to her, lifting the blanket for him so he could join her under it. He sighed as he sat down, letting her drape the soft blanked over his legs. Theo turned around in her seat so she was facing him. His head was rested on the back of the couch and he turned it ever so slightly to look at her.

“Angie spent most of the weekend hiding in her room or out with friends. Mom was quiet the whole time, James wasn’t even there, he was at a sleepover somewhere and Ellie just cried no matter how much you carried her around or tried to soothe her,” he sighed. “And dad was at work the whole time. When he got back he couldn’t even look me in the eye when speaking to me.”

His father had moved back home a few days after Phillip met Theo at the café. His mom had decided to try to make things work, but it was painfully obvious that they were struggling.

Theo frowned and shifted in her seat. “Well you’re back now,” she smiled and pushed some hair out of his face, “And you won’t have to go back in a while.” 

Phillip shook his head. “Mom wants me to come back next weekend again.”

She sighed, falling back in her seat. “And I’m guessing you didn’t say no”

He nodded. She knew him. Which meant she knew he couldn’t say no to his mom. Not since the incident. The hurt he saw in her face every day that month had been too much and he had promised himself to never have to see that look again. Even though Theo hadn’t actually known him back then, he had told her about it. She knew it had been horrible, and she knew he would do whatever it took to try to make it up to his parents.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” She asked instead, trying her best to distract him from his own mind. He smiled at her. Happy to have such a good friend.

“Sure,” he murmured. “Whatever you want to see is fine”

He went back home the next weekend too. Just like he had promised. His mom already had the dinner prepared when he walked through the door. Angie and James were seated at the table in the dining room and Ellie was sitting at the floor playing with some blocks. Phillip picked her up as he walked through the room, putting her down in her chair as he pulled out his own with his foot and sat down next to her. He couldn’t help but smile at his little sister. She was getting big, but in his eyes, she was still less than a year old, even though she was almost two by now. She had been a surprise to everyone, especially his parents. James was already eleven when she was born and Phillip has just turned seventeen.

“Phillip!” his mother called from the kitchen, tearing his attention away from Ellie.

“Yes, mom?” he called back, standing up, ready to help his mom with whatever she needed.

His father worked a lot, so he was used to helping his mom. A lot of late work nights meant Phillip had to help with dinner and pick up James from school on the rare occasions when his mom was working late. He had been happy to help. His dads job could be a pain in the ass, but Phillip knew it was important. Know he wasn’t so sure anymore.

“Your dad is stuck at the office. Do you think you can help me with Ellie and James tonight?” his mom asked as he stepped into the kitchen. “I’m supposed to go out with Angelica. If you can’t I will stay home. I just thought I would ask, but like I said – “

“It’s okay mom. I’ll stay,” he interrupted, knowing that she would talk herself out of going otherwise.

He smiled softly at his mom. She was standing leaned up against the counter with her phone in her hand. She had probably been ready to call aunt Angelica to cancel the second dad texted her. Phillip shook his head and frowned. “Why does dad have to stay late tonight? I thought he was going to try to be home more.”

His mom sighed and put her phone down on the countertop, looking at him. “I don’t know honey” 

She sounded tired.

His mom left soon after dinner, leaving Philip with the kids. Ellie was already in bed and sound asleep by the time she left. James had gone up to his room to play games and Angie was supposed to hang out with some friends or something. So, Phillip had gone to the fridge and grabbed a beer, and went out to the back of the house to sit down on the porch.

He took a sip from the bottle and looked out over the big garden. He sighed.

When he was a kid he loved this house. He loved how big it was and how much space there was out back to play. Every corner could become a hiding spot and every inch could be turned into something else. The large hallways made it feel like a castle and the old architecture could take your mind anywhere. Now, it just felt wrong. It was too big. Too spacious for just the five of them that were living there now, four soon, when Angie went away to college.

The glass door behind him made a soft sound from being slid open and he turned around.

“You know mom will be pissed if she finds you with that, right?” Angie was standing behind him, nodding towards the beer bottle.

He chuckled and shook his head, taking a sip from the bottle. “What she doesn’t know- “

“Won’t hurt her,” she finished, sitting down next to him. “Yeah, I know. It’s your motto.”

Phillip smiled, looking back out at the garden. “Aren’t you supposed to be at some party or something?” he asked.

Angie shrugged, turning her head to look at the garden too. “Nah.”

He nodded and took another sip. “Okay.”

They sat in silence for a few moments. Just looking out over their garden, the place they spent so many summer nights. Every fourth of July, every summer birthday. It had been perfect.

“So why are you really here?” he asked, handing the bottle to Angie. She took it, bringing it to her mouth.

“I’ve missed you,” she sighed, and handed the bottle back, turning to look at him, “and it’s not like you’ve been answering any of my calls.”

He sighed, meeting her gaze. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

She shrugged. “It’s fine.” She turned her eyes back to the garden, staring at the grass by her feet. “Do you think they’ll break up?”

Phillip laughed a bit. No, they wouldn’t break up. His father was too dependent on mom to let her go, and mom cared too much to leave him. Maybe it would end bitterly, but they wouldn’t break up. Angie knew that. Somewhere deep down she knew that. She knew that they probably wouldn’t get through this whole, but she asked, and therefore he just said:

“No.”

And nothing else. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided that finishing chapter 2 was more important than sleep. I might regret this tomorrow, but right now I'm pretty pleased that I finished it. I hope that it was enjoyable.


	3. Revelations

It had been two days since the dinner at his parents’ house and Phillip was tired. His dad called the night before to apologize for not being there and to ask how school was going. He had tried to make it normal, he and Phillip had always had a good connection, but it was hard. His dad sounded off, like he was distracted. More than anything he sounded tired. It seemed like a constant in his parents now. It hadn’t been a long call, and Phillip hadn’t mentioned that he had a roommate now. It didn’t seem important, and even if it was, his dad would ask who it was. Phillip was not ready to tell that story. Not to his dad.

It wasn’t that his parents didn’t like Theo. They had actually adored her back in high school. Her father was another story though. He and Phillips dad had gone to school together and even though they seemed to have been friends from what his dad said, they didn’t really seem to get along. Most of his dads’ stories from his college time involved him getting head to head with Aaron Burr. So, Phillip didn’t really feel like having to explain living with her. Besides, she didn’t seem like she had told her father either, and it was only temporary.

“Hey, Pip?” Theo’s voice rang through the room, making Phillip look up from his computer. He had been trying, and failing, to write an essay for his sociology class.

She was sitting on the other side of the kitchen table, tapping her pen on the wood. “How come you never called me after I moved?”

Was she kidding? He had called her. At least a dozen times just the first couple of weeks. He closed the lid of his laptop and looked at her.

“I did,” he said, moving the laptop to the side, “Like twenty times. You never picked up.”

Theo frowned, putting her pen down next to her notebook. “No, you didn’t,” she objected, “I waited for you to call and you never did.”

Phillip sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Considering you left me without saying goodbye, don’t you think I would have tried calling?” 

It had been the first thing he did when she didn’t return that night. When she didn’t pick up he’d gone around the party asking for her. No one had seen her, and when he finally found his way back to one of her other friends she told him that she had left a long time ago. So, he tried calling her again, and again, wondering if he had done something wrong.

Theo turned her eyes to the wall, staring intensively at it. She sighed. “Then why didn’t I get your calls?”

He shrugged, and got up to put the dishes away. They were still out from breakfast, and they were starting to bother him.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled, putting the plates in the sink. He stopped for a second, realizing - “Why didn’t you call me?”

Her head shot up to look at him. He turned around, meeting her gaze. For a moment, it seemed like she wasn’t going to respond. Her mouth hung open, like she was trying to find her words, any words. She sighed, her shoulders dropping.

“I don’t know,” was he final answer

“Well,” Phillip said, turning back to the sink and turning the water on, “Let me know when you figure it out.”

“Phillip- “

He sighed, “Not right now, Theo.”

He could hear her chair scraping across the floor and the rustling of papers as she collected her things to leave the kitchen. The door to her room shut and Phillip let go of the breath he had been holding in.

He hadn’t meant to make her upset, or dismiss her, but there was a lot going on in his life at the moment, and he didn’t feel like talking about old troubles. He had let it go. He had let her go, and he wasn’t ready to let her back in like that.

When she walked back into his life he had felt good. For the first time in a week he had felt good. But it wasn’t what it used to be, and he was happy about it. He wasn’t ready to have her back like that. It was too much to ask. She was still the same Theo, and that felt nice. It was safe and familiar, but he had changed. When he met her over two years ago he had just gotten out of the hospital. He was in recovery and in need of new friends, people who would be good to him, and good for him. Theo was good. She was sweet and kind and fun. She made him laugh until his ribs hurt. Which they did most of the time, but when it was with her it was in a good way. Theo got him through what should have been the worst year of his life and made it wonderful. Thanks to her he got a fresh start.

The night of graduation they headed to a party together. Most of their school would be there and Theo had convinced his parents that she would keep an eye on him. After all, graduation only came once in a lifetime. She didn’t mention that her dad thought she was away with some other friends in her friend’s summer house. Phillips parents didn’t need to know that. It wasn’t like they were going to call Mr. Burr up to ask anyways.

It was a nice night. Everybody was in a good mood, and the music was blasting through the neighborhood. It was unlike anything Phillip had ever experienced before, and the awestruck look of wonder and mischief in Theo’s eyes made him think that maybe it was unlike anything she had ever experienced too. She dragged him through the crowded party to a secluded corner of the living room where her friends had set up. They smiled when she got there, welcoming Phillip into the conversation as well. They had only met a few times before, but that night they were all his friends.

Maybe he drank too much, or maybe it was the feeling of the night that did it, but somehow, he ended up alone in one of the bedrooms with Theo. They were laying on the big bed, side by side, giggling over something. She turned to him, a smile grazing her lip. He turned his head on the pillow and smiled back. Laughing at her silly faces. She poked out her tongue at him, teasing him for some thing or another. He smiled and leaned in closer. She felt so safe, so warm. His hand found its way to her waist and his lips to hers. Suddenly she was everywhere and everything was her. His whole world turned into Theo. Her lips, the soft skin of her back and her neck, her hair falling around them like a vail, hiding them from the world.

Her hands found their way under his shirt and into his pants. Soon it was just them with nothing in between. Her lips were stuck to his throat, her hand all over, and then, nothing. Her phone ringed, pulling them out of their little bubble. She got up to answer and that was it. He didn’t see her again. Until last week that is.

Phillip sighed as he put the last plate away. He hadn’t thought about that night in months. It had been all he could think about for weeks afterwards, but then Angie got tired of him sulking around the house and took him out to ice cream. She told him to get his shit together. That Theo wasn’t going to call him back and that he needed to move on. It was over. She was gone. So, Phillip got his shit together, and when college started he made new friends. He hooked up with other girls, and every time he tried his best to push the thought of Theo and that night out of his head until he didn’t have to try anymore.

He never dated anyone. Not because of her, but because of his dad. It was fine. He got to live his life and no one got hurt. No commitment, no hurt feelings. Maybe it wasn’t the healthiest way to deal with things, but it worked for him.

He didn’t want to talk about the past. Not right now. Not with everything else going on in his life. Not with his whole world coming crashing down like this.

Still, he didn’t have to dismiss her like that. He groaned and threw the towel on the counter.

“Theo?” he asked, knocking on her door.

He heard a slight shuffling from inside and then the door slid open. Theo was standing on the other side, looking at him with big brown eyes. They were red and her face looked puffy. Seeing her like that hurt, like someone had punched him in the heart. She noticed him looking at her and quickly wiped her eye.

“I’m sorry for being an ass,” he started, “I just have a lot going on right now and I don’t really feel like talking about stuff that happened in the past.”

She nodded, taking a step to the side to let him into the room. “It’s fine”, she mumbled, walking over to the small bed. “I know I should have called, but after that night I just –“ she sighed, pausing for a second, “I just thought that if you wanted to speak to me you would call.”

Phillip nodded, sitting down next to her on the bed. “I did call.”

“I know,” she sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

Phillip sighed, he hated seeing her like that. Carefully he put his arm around her. Making sure that she didn’t want him to let her go, he pulled her in close, letting her rest her head on his shoulder.

“I promise you that one day we will talk about this, but for now I need to focus on my family.”

Theo nodded against his shoulder, smiling slightly.

“But Theo,” he said, pulling her head up to look at her properly, “that night, that can’t happen again.”


	4. Escape

_“What?”_

Theo had pulled away from him and was staring at him from her spot on the bed, “What do you mean?” she asked, her brows furrowed. 

Her sudden reaction made him feel like he had done something wrong and he pulled back.

“I mean that I can’t deal with this right now Theo!” Phillip snapped, standing up and walking away from the bed. He felt his heart beating in his chest and looked around the room. His hands felt stale and moved his fingers to wake them up.

Maybe he had gone to her too soon.

“I never said you had too,” Theo snapped back, “I just asked what you mean.”

“I know,” he sighed, looking at the ceiling, trying to avoid her eyes. He tried to breathe calmly. “But I can’t talk about it right now.”

He could hear her shifting on the bed. She was probably shaking her head at him or wondering why the hell she ever decided to be friends with him again.

“Can you at least explain why the hell you felt the need to add a no fucking rule?”

Phillip snorted at her use of words, shaking his head at her. His sudden burst of anger was slowly draining away. “I just can’t deal with whatever was going on between us that night right now.”

She raised her eyebrows and stood up from the bed. “No one asked you to,” she said, walking over to him, “I just wanted to know why you never called me, which you actually did do, so that’s kind of solved. I never asked you to explain why we kissed at graduation, because honest to God I don’t know and I don’t expect you to know either, and I never asked for you to sleep with me now.”

She put her hand on his cheek and pushed on it lightly, forcing him to look at her. “I know you’re having a hard time right now, but don’t take it out on me.”

He pushed himself against her palm, feeling her soft skin on his cheek. It felt nice having her close to him. She smiled softly.

“If you want to talk, I’ll listen. But if you don’t, I won’t force you.” She paused for a second before smiling. “And when it comes to the other stuff,” she said, “that can be our little secret. Only spoken about if absolutely necessary.”

Phillip chuckled, nodding and taking her held out hand, shaking it. “Sounds like a deal.”

They didn’t talk anymore about it after that, and stuff went back to normal. For every day that passed it started to feel more and more like it used to. Theo would make him laugh until his ribs hurt. Now it was the only time they hurt, and Phillip would tease her about being a perfectionist and that she was about to turn into her father.

She would only shake her head at him and retort with, “As long as you don’t turn into yours too I think we’ll be fine.”. It felt good.

Angie came and visited him and stayed for the night, falling asleep on the couch around one in the morning. She said that it was because she missed him, but Phillip suspected that it had something to do with her not wanting to be home. His mom called to check up on her later that night. Her usually soft voice was thick and raspy, and he could hear her sniveling over the phone.

He told her that Angie was fine and that he would put her on the first train home in the morning.

“It’s okay Phillip,” his mom sighed, her voice tired, “let her stay.”

She stayed for two more days.

When he dropped her off at the train station she hugged him hard and asked him to come home soon. Her cheek was wet against his neck and he promised to come visit her as soon as he could. Theo already had ice cream and a comedy movie prepared when he got home that night. He fell asleep with his head in her lap, dreaming about warm summer days in the garden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a really short one. I felt that it was necessary too the story, but didn't want to just stick it onto another chapter.


End file.
